Jim Carrey Quotes

"One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again."

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"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

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"My report card always said, 'Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students'."

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"Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass."

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"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."

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"That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, 'Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down."

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Funny Quotes 9

I think animal testing is a terrible idea... they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. - Unknown

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There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. - Unknown

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The road to success is always under construction. - Unknown

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He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. - Paddy O'Dea

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Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. - Al Bundy

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It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are? - Uknown

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Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers (more joan)

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Funny Quotes 2

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. - Unknown

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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

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Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. - Louis Hector Berlioz

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It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. - Unknown.

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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. - Unknown.

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There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. - Melanie Griffith

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