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Jim Carrey Quotes

"One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again."

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"My report card always said, 'Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students'."

"Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass."

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."

"That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, 'Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down."

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Steve Martin Quotes 2

"You're nuts but you're welcome here."

"Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."

"We've had some fun tonight...considering we're all gonna die someday."

"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."

"You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither."

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Steve Martin Quotes

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

"Some people have a way with words....some people....not have way."

"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."

"Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything."

"Talking about music is like dancing about architecture."

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The Fart Heard Round The World

I was googling around for fart pics today to add to a recent section called Getting to Know Your Farts", when I came upon a particularly gifted farter who makes a living by passing gas on huge crowds of people. WELL HOT JAM! Sounds like the kind of job you'ld be into eh?

The man's (yes it's a dude) name is Konrad Stockel. I'm going to assume his stage name is "Fat King Konrad", because it's in the web adress. Mr. Stockel is from Hamburg, Germany. Hmmm. I'm not even going to say it. Anyhoo... On his website http://fatkingkonrad.de/ Mr. Stockel describes himself as such:

"First of all I am an entertainer. Throughout my different shows you may experience a unique mixture made of curiosity, magic, comedy, and the art of presenting."

Now you smell it...now you don't? Fat King Konrad, aka F.K.K. has peformed for CBS and Comedy Central, as well as some other German television stations like "ARD " and "2DF". (You're thinking of fart jokes right now aren't you?) His list of sponsors is quite impressive. They include: Minolta, Shellane, VolksWagon, Panasonic, Konami, Mercedes-Benz, and some other brands no one has ever heard of. What a gas.

So, remember this kids. If you have a dream, no matter how crazy it might seem to others, go for it. One day you could be up on that stage entertaining crowds of drunk college students. Believe in yourself, follow your gut, and listen to your butt.