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Steve Martin Quotes

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

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"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

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"Some people have a way with words....some people....not have way."

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"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."

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"Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything."

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"Talking about music is like dancing about architecture."

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Milton Berle Quotes 3

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, "Are you comfortable?" The man answers, "I make a nice living."
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A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!".
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I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Laughter is an instant vacation.
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Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
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Milton Berle Quotes 2

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
(at a celebrity roast for Sports Broadcaster Howard Cosell)
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You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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What is this, an audience or an oil painting?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
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Milton Berle Quotes

Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.
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They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
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Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes!
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I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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