My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
(at a celebrity roast for Sports Broadcaster Howard Cosell)
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You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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What is this, an audience or an oil painting?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
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