Jim Carrey Quotes

"One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again."

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"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

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"My report card always said, 'Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students'."

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"Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass."

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"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."

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"That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, 'Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down."

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Steve Martin Quotes 2

"You're nuts but you're welcome here."

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"Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

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"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."

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"We've had some fun tonight...considering we're all gonna die someday."

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"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."

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"You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither."

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Steve Martin Quotes

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

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"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

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"Some people have a way with words....some people....not have way."

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"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."

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"Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything."

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"Talking about music is like dancing about architecture."

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George Burns Quotes 3

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
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I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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George Burns Quotes 2

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
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I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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George Burns Quotes

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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Milton Berle Quotes

Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.
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They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
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Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes!
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I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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