How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
How many armies does it take to change a light bulb?
At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while, the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two - one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the beers.
How many drunk Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
100. One to hold the light bulb, and 99 to drink until the room starts to spin.
How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to hold his racing pigeon, one to hold his greyhound, and one to drink his pint of bitter.
How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just fine.
How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Eleven. One to change it and ten to follow the trend.
How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw it in and four to write the environmental impact statement.
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