Get to Know Your Farts 22

THE S.B.D. FART:
S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. There is no sound as it slips out like a ninja, and by the time anyone realizes it's a fart it's too late.

THE SANDPAPER FART:
This one itches. Remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart. And stop pooping in the woods.

THE SKILLSAW FART:
A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not too common.

THE SONIC BOOM FART:
A fart that is supposed to be powerful enough to rattle a house, and shake windows. This fart is the rarest, most deny it even exists. I have witnessed one of these farts first hand however.

THE SPLATTER FART:
Think of mud flaps after driving through a mud puddle. You will want to change your underwear a.s.a.p. Your secret is safe with us.

THE STUTTER FART:
If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out far that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.