An Irish man is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whiskey then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whiskey then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.
The Irish man gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. He drinks the whiskey then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?" The Irish man thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"
Back to The Bar
The Olive Jar
A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he
removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered
another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of
martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him
out for a jar of olives."
50 Cent
A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and
has the bartender line them up in front of him. Then without pausing, he
quickly downs each one. "Whew," the bartender remarked, "you seem to be in a
hurry."
"You would be too if you had what I have."
"What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asked.
"Fifty cents."
Whipe It Real Good
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
Grab The Wheel
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?"
The Irish man replies, "It's drivin' me nuts!"