Americans Should Fart More

This post is about relaxing. Sometimes people just need to relax. Who needs to relax? Everyone, but mainly Americans need to relax. Americans never relax. Even when they're partying they're not relaxed. How can you not be relaxed when you're partying? Well if you're not American you could easily spot it, but if you are then you probably won't, because well... you're American.

Let me tell you a story. A couple of years ago I was in the Philippines sitting outside talking with my wife and some friends of ours. Actually they were talking, and I was sitting uncomfortably just grinning and nodding my head. Then they got up and said goodbye, and they left. I was relieved. Not that they had left. I had nothing against them. It's just that I had been holding a fart in for that whole time.

Finally I was alone with my wife, who I know doesn't mind if you fart. So I let it go. "Ahhhhhhhh....finally." I exclaimed, satisfied from my release. Now I could relax. My wife asked me if I had been holding it in that whole time. I told her that yes, I was. I didn't want to be rude. And she looked at me like I was crazy. One of the first of many looks like that I would get. She told me that it isn't rude to fart. "No one cares if you fart." she said. "Everyone does it."

I considered what she said, but I still held my farts in when anyone was around for awhile. You see I just wasn't use to that. In America you don't fart. People will say you're rude and disgusting. Rich, poor, female, male. Americans don't fart in public. They claim they do, but try it sometime. Fart in public in America and look around. People will look at you like you're scum. They don't even look at theives and murderers that way the way they look at farters.

But why is this? It's much more than just farting. Americans are uptight about everything. What are you wearing? What school did you go to? What do you drive? Where do you work? American media advertises America as the best place to be on Earth, and Americans feel they need to live up to that reputation. So they're very stressed. And any little thing to make someone else seem like a bad person they think will raise their status level, somehow making them the ultimate American. Of course if you're American you don't know that this is how you are. I didn't know it until I finally got out of America, and took a look back at it.

Americans, my crazy stressed out, working 3 jobs so that you can afford to eat and barely pay off your credit cards, so that you can pretend that you have a better life than you really do, pill popping, energy drink guzzling, Americans this message is for you. You are not the best country. You could be, but your attitudes have ruined it for you. What's better than America? A lot of places. You should travel more. So stopped being stressed trying to live up to the pressure of being the cool kid in school. Relax. Stop the rushing around, doing things just because everyone else is doing it or someone says its normal. Its not normal it's insane. Stop trying to be on top all the time. Relax. And for the love of Papa Johns Pizza, when you have to fart. Fart. Wherever you're at. Peace out.